This is A think piece essay, i have already stared it but i think it could be better, i need a cover letter and bullet point as you see in the think piece examples, with an intro. the cover letter is 500 word and my paper aleady has 1250 workd i need 250+ more for those bullets and intro. also i have attached a peereview my teacher did for me to help improve my esaay.
Gahongayire Nadaa Gahongayire Dr. Houghtaling ENG 1023 Fall 2022 Why are Hip Hop Musicians getting murdered at a high rate? The music industry has been one of the most vital and cut-throat careers to be a part of. There are many types of artists, creators, writers, musicians and visionaries. Being abstract and creative comes at an unfortunate price. Every day for decades there is constant backlash, haters, assassins, gang rivalries and jealous organizations. Due to the high demand for talented men, women, children, and non-binary individuals. The excitement of trying to become the “Next Big Thing” oftentimes results in the safety of musicians and artists to be compromised. There have been a multitude of murder tragedies from fans or other rivals even family members. The high rate of murders in the music industry is completely unacceptable. Not all, but most composers, writers, musicians and artists are so desperate to make it in this world that they oftentimes sacrifice their safety by going public and being an influencer. From my personal experience managers usually have one goal in mind. Typically, a manager or record label searches for unique talent and once when they find out you are gifted the foolishness begins. Upon being discovered from my personal experience managers find ways to get an artist to sign these lengthy contracts that are designed with loopholes in tiny fine print. The emphasis is put on creating art and making big money, but I believe it is imperative that musicians are aware of their surroundings at all times. I believe musicians should have thorough background checks done on their entire management team. I also believe artists should always emphasize and demand their management team to be cautious of how close people get to their inner circle. Also, it is crucial that a musician do background checks on their family members. Family members can sometimes become envious and entitled to claim your success or get recognition for all of your hard work and sacrifices. Once you make it some family members smile in your face but are plotting your downfall for their own selfish agendas. A major example of this can be seen in the movie The Bodyguard starring the late but great Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner showcases the challenges of a famous musician and performer with a family. In the motion picture, Rachel Marron (Whitney Houston) and Frank Farmer (Kevin Costner) display the challenges that come with music, performing live, family, love and protecting who and what you love by all means necessary. Musicians must be careful of people around you, meaning protect yourself at all times because there are people in this world that feel entitled to your accomplishments and success. I have come to the realization that the bigger an artist gets in terms of fans, exposure, and recognition, the more an individual’s safety should be prioritized. However, typically artists are flashing pictures on social media with hundreds of thousands of dollars and all these expensive diamonds and designer clothing. The music industry along with social media influencers severely impact the minds of not only children, but all age groups and categories. (Toddlers, youth, young adults, adults, senior citizens, parents and grandparents.) The use of firearms(guns) in the industry has gotten out of control astronomically. Almost every movie or rapper’s music video depicts a gun physically or the use of two fingers pointing at a specific target and using the thumb to represent the gun trigger. I understand and know that guns don't kill people but people kill others. I am educated enough to know that our second amendment to the constitution gives us the right to bear arms. However, I have a counter argument. I believe we need to have stricter background checks and also gun safety training should be mandatory for one to purchase a firearm. Nowadays children and teenagers’ access to guns is so high. Guns are required for some careers but guns although we would hope they are used for safety, are oftentimes used for killing purposes. Artists need to Improve their Level of Security, and privacy. Gun control laws need to change for the better. The lack of extreme precautions results in extreme crimes to be committed with firearms. Today there are no severe or tight gun restrictions in all the fifty states that are a part of the United States of America. The National Rifle Association (NRA) is one of the most controversial organizations that the USA has and is constantly being debated by the people as well as politicians. The essential need for stricter gun control can potentially prevent another mass shooting in the future as well as prevent these malicious and reckless killings of not just artists and musicians but people of all ages. No one should have to die because they are speaking about change or the struggle that one must face throughout life in America or anything controversial at all. I believe that musicians should have to wear clothing that is made with bullet proof materials so that in the event that there is a shooting, there is at least more protection to stop a bullet from penetrating some of a human's most vital organs. I trust that gun safety regulations and education could have prevented not all but some of our late musicians from passing away early. The music legends Selena, Tupac, Biggie Smalls, Moe3, Pop Smoke, and PnB Rock have all fallen victim to gun violence that has cut their careers short. Selena Quintanilla made her recording debut in the '80s, going on to become an award-winning recording artist in the Latin music scene with albums like Amor Prohibido and Selena Live. Selena was also known for her world-famous song Bidi Bom. March 31, 1995, she was murdered with a firearm by the founder of her fan club. Tupac Amaru Shakur (1971–1996) is one of the most popular artists in history, with over seventy-five million records sold worldwide. died on September 13, 1996 of gunshot wounds suffered in a Las Vegas drive-by shooting. Christopher Wallace, Biggie Smalls also known as, Notorious B.I.G. was shot to death at a stoplight in Los Angeles six months after Tupac on March 9, 1997. The murder is thought to be the culmination of a continuing feud between rap music artists from the East and West coasts. More recently within the last two years, three musical rappers were victims of gun violence. Moe3 also known as Melvin Noble was a rapper from Dallas, Texas was gunned down in the middle of the day Nov. 11, 2020, on Interstate 35E near the Dallas Zoo. Pop Smoke also known as Bashar Barakah Jackson was a Brooklyn rap artist known for his unique sound. Pop Smoke was a big contributor to hip hop, rap, and Brooklyn drill music. Two of his most popular songs were released during his breakout in the summer called "Welcome to the Party" and "Dior" in 2019. Pop Smoke was also casted in the drama movie Boogie which was released in 2021 by Eddie Huang. My last example of a musician killed by gun violence is PnB Rock. PnB Rock also known as Rakim Hasheem Allen unfortunately he was murdered by a firearm September 12,2022 just within the past two weeks. My father actually did a concert collaboration for him in New York and Pennsylvania back in April of 2016. Citations “Tupac Shakur.” Tupac Shakur | Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, https://www.rockhall.com/inductees/tupac-shakur. “Rapper Notorious B.I.G. Is Killed in Los Angeles.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 13 Nov. 2009, https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/rapper-notorious-b-i-g-is-killed-in-los-angeles. “Selena Quintanilla.” Biography.com, A&E Networks Television, 8 Oct. 2021, https://www.biography.com/musician/selena. Peer Review for the Think Piece 1. Is there a title for the piece? Does the title draw you in and make you want to read the essay? The title is straight to the point but I feel like it doesn’t draw in the reader, especially when you use the term high rate. 2. Does the author begin the think piece with personal experience? What are your thoughts about how the author begins the think piece? You do not begin with a personal experiences but begin with a problem and what should be a little later on, first relate to your own experiences. You give a small sentence of personal relation by saying you have experience with music managers, expand on that and put it before your first paragraph. Relate that to the topic! 3. In the body of the think piece essay, does the writer: 1. Take a clear stance? Find the sentence that you think best represents the author’s argument and paste it here. If you could not find a thesis statement or had difficulty locating one, let the author know. The author thinks musicians should stop dying, there wasn’t much of a personal opinion that the author inputted. The topic needs to be something you can form an opinion about and give advice on. 2. Include enough outside research? Did the author include enough information from outside resources to help substantiate their claims? Was the information that was presented interesting and new? If not, let the author know. Sum up how you felt about the resources that were referenced in the author’s paper. Can you think of other topics that the author may want to pursue researching and including in their paper? Outside research was included and it provided evidence to the claim that musicians get murdered. I feel like annual percentages that span over a time period would create a stronger anecdote than just listing a few people. The point of gang violence can be expanded on, there’s a video by channel five on YouTube about O block and gang violence in drill music; I feel like this could help you in doing research if you haven’t already seen it! 3. Have an identifiable tone? How would you describe the author’s tone toward the subject? Is the tone off-putting in any way? The tone is serious and respectful to the musicians the author mentions. 4. Does the author provide good advice or suggestions that speak directly to the topic of the think piece? Is the formatting of the advice section eye-catching? What recommendations can you make for this section of the author’s paper? These are not suggestions, it’s a list of people. You need advice as it is a qualification of the genre!!! 5. Is the paper formatted in correct MLA format? When you MLA cite within a sentence you do not need to italicize the source, if you are referencing a book title italicize