I've aleady written my paper and received feedback from a professor. I would like someone to take the suggestions given and reformat and correct my mistakes.
Political Economy of AgingComment by McKayla A Rockwell: Hi Tairan, this is McKayla. I’ll be commenting on your paper today. Make sure you check your assignment sheet or with your teacher to make sure it’s formatted correctly. Tairan Davis Theories of Gerontology Upon first examination of the economy of aging, it seems clear as to what it is and why it must be studied. It began as a socialistic study primarily researched by its founder, Dr. Carroll Estes. In her book, Social Policy and Aging: A Critical Perspective, she describes the first working definition of the economy of aging as, “systematic view.”. She goes on to saysay, old age can be “understood only in the context of social conditions and issues of the larger social order.” (2001). That the world and its issues, be they political, economic, or societal, will impact how we see ourselves aging and how society see us as we age (blogspot.com, 2015). In other words, does old age stop you from being useful on a social economic level? She developed this theory in 1979, but since then, a more complete understanding has developed.Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: Instead of saying it should be studied, maybe you could say “it is important to study because…” Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: What is “it?” Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: Usually people try to avoid the use of citations in their first paragraph. Your introduction should be a summary or overview of your paper. It should touch base with your main points/topic sentences, lead us into your argument, then give us your thesis. Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: Good transition Further studies have led to the development of additional theories including the Life-course perspective affect. This perspective explains how age not only plays a role in the economy, but that we personally influence the structure of society, equally, as society impacts us in our personal lives (blogspot.com, 2015). In a web of fine lines, psychologically we determine what products we need to be happy or based on survival. Those things change with the impact of our culture, family structure, and societal structure of our countries. Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: If this is all the specific name of a theory, it should be capitalized. Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: Replace this with “need to survive” What we need, or think is important to our families, fuels our purchases. Hand- in- hand, our purchases, or the lack thereof, can either build or disintegrate the economy. Especially if a substantially large enough consumer group is supplied items and ideas desired over long periods of time. As the population becomes older in America, specifically influenced by Baby Boomers and the Silent Generation, the voice of the older generation must ask for products, laws, legal structures, and regulations so that fairness and equal distribution gaps be filled (Molochi, 2011). As I continue I will explain how the economy of aging must encompass both ideals as our culture changes as well as why continued studies are important to economic success. Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: If you’re not allowed to use “I” then I would cut this part out. Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: Are you allowed to use “I” statements? Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: What both ideals? B specific. Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: I feel like this paragraph gets at the heart of what your paper is going to be about, but you take a long time to get there. Unless your teacher says otherwise, your first paragraph should do everything that these first three do. “It’s [America's economy] a powerful opportunity driven by dramatic demographic shifts and a hunger for products, services, innovation, and ideas focused on a huge, rapidly evolving and lucrative market – our aging population.” (Irving & Chatterjee, 2013). According to the U.S. Consumer Expenditure Survey, since 2015 adults over the age of 50 have dominated as the largest consumer group in America (Miller, 2015). This is a relatively new reality for the United States even though we have predicted its arrival since the Baby Boom of the late 1940’s. The economy of aging has studied this marvel in the hopes of determining the impact the growing of the population of the people over 50 will have on the economy.Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: Try not to start or end paragraphs with quotes. The beginning of your paragraph should have a topic sentence, something that tells your reader what this paragraph is going to be about. It also shouldn’t end with a quote or reference. Your paragraphs should instead end in a conclusion or concluding sentence, where you explain the evidence you provide and how it supports your argument. So far, we have seen a few positive effects such as laws that make it safe and fair for people over the age of 50 to enter the workplace and age discrimination laws. There are concerns, however, of how the pensions and retirement of so many may impact the economy (Tejvan, 2016). Yet, telling you that the older generation is spending money, growing as a consumer base, which doesn't explain why this is important to anyone else in America or why this is happening at all. Growing an economy starts where just about everything else starts— at home.Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: “laws against age discrimination” Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: I think you need to explain this concern in detail. Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: I would avoid “you” statements, simply delete the crossed-out section The “3rd age” in our lifespan, commonly referred to as “The Golden Age” of adulthood, is a time in one's life were responsibilities in the family unit and/or community have shifted. The children no longer need constant supervision. In fact, the children or younger generations are possibly taking care of the parent or elder. With retirement or no pressing work goals, hobbies and entrepreneurship can be the main, if not the only, focus in life—. eEssentially, a new life and identity based off the self-worth one finds in the community or in the family takes root. As babies are born, friends in the same age group pass away, or the living situation of an individual shifts., Tthis can be a period of budding new relationships or the end of some as well. The life-course perspective effect fundamentally says that all these changes in the Golden age determine what kind of products the 50 year and above demographic find important enough to invest their time and money into. Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: What age group?Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: What is “this?” Be specific Now, to be clear, there are a plethora of consumer products that would fit this example, but the most surprising one is the consumption of technology bought by people age 55 and older. There is a misconception that the ages under 50 consume technology at a far larger rate than senior citizens. The actual rate is not far removed at all. For instance, in my research I’ve learned about the growing need for seniors to prevent the isolation and de-socialization that often happens with old age. To combat this, we have seen nearly double the increase since 2013 in senior citizens buying technology like smartphones to keep in touch and UpToDate (Anderson and Perrin, 2017). Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: Concluding sentence needed According to a 2018 study done by Pew Research Center Surveys, 67% of Baby Boomers, ages 54 to 72, and 30% of the Silent Generation, ages 73 to 90, own smartphones. Millennials are sitting at 92% for their smartphone usage compared to my own Generation X users at 85%. From 2010 until 2018, Baby Boomers increased their use of social media, like Facebook, from 40% to 60%. Marketers have learned to strategize and become more appealing to senior citizens, consciously targeting this age group because of the amount of residual income they have over younger generations. Therefore, that gap between technology users and age is getting smaller and smaller. Conversely, the economic value of the Baby Boomer and the Silent Generation members is going up as they strive to stay connected and relevant in society. As I mentioned earlier, there are some negative impacts that have been predicted as the growing rate of Americans turn 60. Many believe that the drop-in funding for cardiovascular disease, Alzheimer’s, neurodegenerative diseases, and other health issues that generally affect the elderly will put economic strain on the United States. It will be left up to the younger working force to pay through taxes and other avenues. The healthier these seniors stay, the longer they work. Keeping productivity high in the workplace is the goal. Retirement due to health significantly diminishes this. The small amount that we will save in cutting the funding will inflate the costs of their health care in the future.Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: I’m not sure if this makes sense. Maybe you should word it as “as the rate of Americans turning 60 is growing”Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: What is “this?” Be specific Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: Maybe you should include how much these diseases cost, and how they’re impacting the economy statistically? Only by finding cures and keeping lifesaving research going can we reverse the effects of these expensive diseases and decrease the negative effects it will have on the economy. At the heart of it, the more value the younger working generation in society puts on keeping the older generation living longer, healthier lives, the more likely we are to save an economy that we too will need in our old age. Again, there are many examples I could use. This one just so happens to be one that we can already see and feel the effects of in America right now. It is predicted to continue to be an issue as the Baby Boomers continue to hit retirement age (Pew Research Center, 2017).Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: I cut out some things in this sentence because it’s kind of wordyComment by McKayla A Rockwell: Do you think you could define this kind of economy, in a phrase? Like, is it a healthy economy? A bursting economy? Etc? Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: This sentence is unnecessary, don’t tell us you have examples, give those examples to us. Comment by McKayla A Rockwell: Concluding sentence needed Just to put things into perspective, financial anomalies are not based solely on issues in the United States. According to Trading Economics done in 2019, The United Kingdom, during 2017 and 2018 had the highest average amount of disposable income occurred in the 45 to 64-year-old group during 2017 and 2018. In places like Africa, where most of the population is under the age of 35, we see a loss of leadership, job